Quite Possibly the Dumbest Lyrics on the Face of the Earth

Quite possibly the dumbest lyrics on the face of the Earth. They were dumb to me as a little kid when the song came out and they are even dumber now to me as an adult and quite frankly, I can't for the life of me see what made this song so popular? Granted, I had many of the lines wrong for years (see below), but the real ones are just as bad.

I give you "Sunglasses at Night", by Corey Hart:

I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can, so I can

Watch you weave

Then breathe your story lines

And I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can, so I can

Keep track of the visions in my eyes

While she's deceiving me

It cuts my security

Has she got control of me

I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade

On the guy in shades, oh-no

Don't masquerade

With the guy in shades, oh-no

I can't believe it

'Cause you got it made

With the guy in shades, oh-no

And I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can, so I can

Forget my name while you collect your claim

And I wear my sunglasses at night

So I can, so I can

See the light that's right before my eyes

While she's deceiving me

She cuts my security

Has she got control of me

I turn to her and say

Don't switch the blade

On the guy in shades, oh-no

Don't masquerade

With the guy in shades, oh-no

I can't believe it

Don't be afraid

Of the guy in shades, oh-no

It kinda scared you

'Cause you got it made

With the guy in shades, oh-no

Oh, I say I wear my sunglasses at night

I wear my sunglasses at night

I wear my sunglasses at night

I say it to you now

I wear my sunglasses at night

I wear my sunglasses at night

I wear my sunglasses at night

I cry to you

I wear my sunglasses at night

I wear my sunglasses at night

Lyrics I had wrong:

1. My version: "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can watch you eat and sleep between the lines"

Real version: "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can watch you weave then breath your story lines"

2. My version: "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can keep up with the visions in my my sight" (yeah, I know ?)

Real version: "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can keep track of the visions in my eyes" (not too far off)

3. My version: "Don't jump in bed with the guy in shades, Oh no!" and alternatively "She jumped in bed with a guy in shades, Oh no!" (yes I thought this was the lyric as a elementary school kid.... no clue what it meant then though ;) ).

Real version: "Don't switch the blade (wtf?) on the guy in shades oh, no!"

4. My version: "Don't mess around with a guy in shades, Oh No!"

Real version: "Don't masquerade with the guy in shades, Oh, No!"

5. My version: "You got in bed with the guy in shades, Oh No" ( I know, I apparently made this girl into a strumpet in my elementary school mind)

Real version: "'Cause you got it made with the guy in shades, Oh No!"

And it goes on....

Here is what I want to know Corey:

1. How do sunglasses help you keep track of the visions in your eyes? Do these sunglasses have a hidden camera attached? If so buddy, you may be looking at some time in the crossbar motel because that is against the law I am pretty sure.

2. What does "don't switch the blade" mean? Do you mean don't "shank" or "shiv" the guy in shades? Well if you are in her room, in the dark, wearing sunglasses and watching her sleep, you would be lucky to only get poked. She is more likely to pull a gun out from under the pillow and blow your butt away, you creepy f*(#!

3. So she has "it made with the guy in shades?" What exactly do you have to offer this girl? A job at "The Sunglass Hut?"

4. Not following you on "so I can forget my name while you collect your claim"? Having a hard time coming up with something rhyming with "name"? What about "lame"?

5. I believe I will be afraid of the guy in shades, Oh Yea!

So what is Corey doing these days? Probably teaching water aerobics to the elderly at the Shady Palms rest home in Tampa, Florida.

Actually he lives with his wife who is a singer and their kids in Florida (I'm not kidding) and he is "primarily" a "song writer" (per Wikipedia). I wonder if he is writing anymore gems like the one above?

Seriously though, I can't pick too hard, the guy made a lot of money on this song!