SINCLAIR IS IN FOR IT

Just so you know, Milk Duds is in for it and she does not even know it.

She taunted Sieggie today by telling him that she had fish today for lunch and that he better watch his back.

He is incensed.

The Botanical Gardens

We went to the Botanical Gardens with Mimi, Aunt Shay Shay and Uncle Bill.  They were having a Spring Fair type thing where they sold plants and had vendors and events for the kids.  Quentin was a holy terror as usual and he wore his "tiger back pack" which made him even more fierce.  At one point though he was having a fit, Corby was about to lose it and as I was walking up on the situation this mean little bitty with a giant straw hat and beaky down turned nose looked at me and said "Geese", as she looked over at Quen and Corby and rolled her eyes and shook her head.  I just smiled and kept walking over to my husband and child and when she realized that I was his mother, she quickly scurried away behind some rose bushes (she better run fast or I'll chase her down). I saw this really neat wind chime made from bent silverware that MIRACULOUSLY was given to me the very next day by my father in law for my birthday!  My sneaky and sweet husband went and bought it while he was supposed to be going to the "bathroom" and then secreted it to Florence the next day and slipped it into a bag for my father in law to give me.  Quen got to see the band play at the amphitheater (which is really cool and I can't believe the zoo does not use more often), he got a monkey tattoo, some popcorn, and he got to jump in a bouncy house where he was thoroughly trounced by the older children.  I got lots of ideas of stuff that I can never afford to do -- but would be awesome to do to my yard.

Here are some pics.

Quentin and Aunt Shay Shay at the ampitheater.

The wind chime with the green beads is now mine.

Q and his back pack.

Mommy's little pillow

Yesterday as my purse sat on the bed it tumbled over and my HUGE PURPLE OVERNIGHT MAXI-PAD fell out on the floor.  Quentin immediately ran up to it and before he could ask me what it was because you know it was coming Corby said: "Oh look, it's Mommy's little pillow"!  Quen kind of looked at it funny and said: "ooohhhh, Mommy's little pillow" and handed it back.

Golf Ball Hole

Q has a golf set that he never uses appropriately.  He would prefer to carry all three of his clubs around -- clutched close to the chest and throw the balls in the bushes which he then refuses to go after because "there are bugs in there".  He loves to beat things like the cast iron plants, ant hills, his other clubs, the side of the car and your leg with them -- thank goodness the handles and shafts are encased in foam.  The little set contains 3 clubs (a wedge, a putter, and a driver), 2 foam balls, a little green ring that acts as the "hole" and a little flag that goes on the green foam ring and only lasted um, about 2 days after we got the set.  

Today we were playing with the golf set while we waited for Corby to get home.  He held up the green foam ring and asked me: "What is this mommy, what is it?" My response was: "It is the little green foamy - golf ball hole thingy."  He said: "No its not Mommy, no its not." Then he turned to look at me and said very forcefully, "It's a CIRCLE!" kind of like "duh, mom, geeze!"

Fee Fi Fo Samiches, beansnaps and the runny nose

Tonight Q was in a "giant" kick.  He kept saying "Fee Fi Fo Samiches " and talking about giants...  I laughed and started saying the classic line of "Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman" in my best gruff giant voice.  He laughed and repeated it and did very well.  I have no clue where the "samiches" came from, but the other day he started singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little French Fry" -- so who knows.

Because he was in a "giant" mood I decided to read him "Jack and the Beanstalk".  He was very excited when I told him about it and he kept repeating "Mommy where is Jake and the beansnap?  I wanna see Jake and the beansnap".   Finally, we made it through about the first 2 pages to where the book starts to talk about the giant's wife.  The book that we were reading had a nice big color illustration of the giant's wife.  He was very afraid of her and called her "big lady giant".  I told him she was a nice giant at which point he leaned in real close to study her picture and he leaned back and said "lady giant has a runny nose".

VAMPIRE KID STRIKES AGAIN!

Quen got bitten at school the other day. It happens. This time however, the kid actually drew blood and we had to take him to the pediatrician. Apparently they treat human bites the same as animal bites and therefore he has to go through a round of antibiotics. He does not seem that phased by it -- which is good and he gets excellent care at school so I have a feeling he was immediately consoled.

He is a good boy (sometimes ;p), however I got word that he actually bit another child's finger in the morning -- but it was not bad at all, which is odd because he is not a "biter" (knock on wood). The kid he bit was not the kid who bit him later, but Milk Duds feels sure that there was bribery afoot and that the kid who he bit in the morning put a hit out on him -- a hit that the vampire kid took him up on later in the day! Anyway -- he has been bitten a couple of times and it is unfortunately something that they all go through one way or another and there is almost always a "biter" in at least one of your child's classes at school. I refer to the biters at "vampire kids".

The previous attack was on his arm and it left a little red mark for a few days.

Below are from the latest incident.

He has a mouth full of antibiotics that for some reason he wanted to "savor the flavor" and not swallow. Yuck.

Bed time books and Grinch socks

As we were reading our books before bed last night Quentin became adamant that the mouse in a picture in his book was a "moose". Our conversation went like this:

Q: Whats that Momma? Whats that? (pointing)

Me: That is a mouse.

Q: No its not, no its not (shaking his head)! (see earlier post)

Me: Yes it is. It is a mouse -- the whole book is about mice -- it is a mouse.

Q: No its not, its a moose.

Me: A moose? No, its is mouse.

Q: No its not (yelling adamantly) its a moose! A moose!

Me: What makes you think this is a moose?

Q: Its a moose. A moose. 'Cause Daddy said it was. Its a moose.

Me: Its a mouse. (At this point I tried to turn the page because I knew I was losing this battle, but he refused to allow me to turn the page and instead pointed at the mouse again.)

Q: Momma, whats that? (pointing at the same controversial mouse)

Me: Quentin, it is a mouse, a mouse, a mouse.

Q: No its not Momma -- its a moose. (He was trying to get me to admit it was indeed a moose.)

Later he declared that a particular star in his book "was not working".

Before he went to bed we had to put on his "anti-grinch" socks. These are green (Oscar the Grouch -- shhhh, I am not telling) grinch repellent socks that he wears at night so the grinch wont come out of the hole in the neighbor's yard where he lives (see earlier post) and get him at night -- as he is convinced that will happen. They are some powerful socks -- he has NEVER ONCE BEEN "GOTTEN" BY THE GRINCH since he started wearing them (I have a back up pair of green Mike Wazowski socks that work too).

"Lil Fings" at the park

One of Quentin's most commonly used sayings is "Lil Fings" which is supposed to be "Little Things" and it is a catch all word that he uses for any little doo-dad that he is playing with or finds that he does not know the name of. Like any typical little boy -- he is constantly finding stuff on the ground and picking it up much to my dislike -- like the time he picked up dry dog pooh and asked me about those "lil fings" and when I told him to drop them on the spot because they were dog pooh he said "no, its not mommy, no its not!" (see earlier post).

Anyway, he found a hair pin at the park and it was his "lil fing treasure of the afternoon", however he searched the park the whole time for a new little treasure. One of his favorite "lil fings" is a little articulated, red plastic arm of a skeleton toy he has that he carries everywhere with him. Anyway, he finally started calling it "his arm".

Here are pictures of the park and his "lil fing".

On the way home in the car he kept popping the sucker out of his mouth and going "ahhhh" as though he had just had a long refreshing swig of some favorite beverage. It was quite funny.

No FAD!

Quenspeak lesson of the day:

No Fad! No Fad! = No Fair! No Fair!

It took me five minutes to figure out his protestations.

Then when I asked him if he meant "No Fair?" he said "Oh yeah, No Fair! No Fair!". I am sure he is getting this one from the kids in his class.

NO IT'S NOT!

Quentin will constantly ask me about things:

"What is that Mommy, what is that?" and when I tell him truthfully what it is he says 

"No, its not".

       me: "Um, yes, it is." 

"No its not mommy, no its not".

        me:  "Ok, your right kid, I'm lying about that fat white feline on the living rug being "a cat" it is really a bear."  No, I really don't say that although I am tempted to sometimes.

CORMAN

I believe that Q has an imaginary friend and his name is "Corman".

Q started talking about "Corman" on the way home from school.  He talked about this for a good 30 minutes.  According to Q Corman has "yellow" hair and is a boy.  Corman is in his class and is "big".  Corman also plays with the blocks with Quentin.  At the park after work when questioned about Corman by Corby, Q said he was "at home".  

I know there is no child named "Corman" in his class.  As a matter of fact there are 4 boys in his class and he is one of them.  Only one of them is a blond and Quentin knows that child's name well, so?  I can't wait to hear more about Corman... as long as he does not start blaming things on him we are good.

YOUR HUMPDAY FUNNY

Omodern is a funny website of just odd stuff. My favorite section is the Swedish rock bands from the 70s. Here are a few for your humpday chuckles complete with my comments.

I give you the "Gert Jonnys". They kind of look like gay elves. Not sure who told them hot pink and green were a good idea, but... By far my favorite is the portly fellow sitting down. His hair looks like my old German teacher's from middle school. You can tell they really worked on it too. As a matter of fact he (the whole package) resembles my old German teacher. You think they might have scrapped this picture and taken another one because the guy in the middle is the only one NOT looking at the camera. Maybe he is blind and does not know where to look. Maybe he is "special" -- either way, I am sure he just drooled in Frau Pink's hair.

It's the Benny's Awin -- I know you wondered what happened to them right? I sure did. Especially after their hit "We Are All Sterile (because our pants are too tight -- Oh yeah!)" did so well. Not sure but I am pretty sure the little squirlly guy in the middle is a professional jockey. The only straight one -- the only one without the "neckerchief" is now in prison and the rest all formed a roller disco troup called "The Satins" that only wore those satin jackets and shorts shorts. I do not know what else happened to them. Just kidding.

The Cool Candys looks like Sweden's poster of their most wanted child molesters -- hence the name. The only thing I know for sure is that the guy on the bottom left may have the SWEETEST comb-over I have EVER SEEN. He scares me the most too. The guy on the back row far right could be Charlie Manson's twin and the fellow next to him with the goatee has a hairdo like my Aunt had in the 7o's. All in all -- a bunch of creepy dudes. However you can tell that the guy in the back far left was by far the "stallion" of the group -- he had all of the groupies (all 7 of them) and the guy next to him with the sideburns from hell -- never got over it.

I FORGOT THE ROLLER GIRLS

Somehow when I was doing my coverage of the St. Paddy's Day Parade -- I left out the Columbia Rollergirls! How in the world did I forget that? WHO EVEN KNEW WE HAD ROLLERGIRLS? OR A ROLLER DERBY? They all had on the the obligatory 1970's skates, knee socks and short shorts.

Corby is all for me trying out for the team -- but I do not know if they have a need for a WIDE RECIEVER?

All I could do is take people out -- I would not be nearly as agile on skates as I used to be.

If I were to be a Columbia Rollergirl (although I think at my age I would have to be called a Columbia Rollerwoman) my name would have to be "The Powerful Katrinka" (that is what my mom calls me sometimes)!

It totally looks like she is slipping him some digits!

HAIR DOCTOR

Quentin came home from school with something "crispy" in his hair -- as if he had been splashed by something sticky and it dried in little poky clumps.  It happens.

Anyway, Mom and I discovered it when she got him home.  I think we made a too big of a deal out of it -- thumbing through his hair, sniffing it and repeatedly asking him "What did you get in your hair?" and "Did something get spilled in your hair?" etc.  I believe we got him worried about something that he normally could have cared less about --  so much so that he frowned and cocked his head to side and declared 

"I need to go to the doctor" and when I asked why?  He said "for my hair".

One Mean Mamma-Jamma

My desk fish Siegfried is one mean Mamma-Jamma. He is very ferocious and loves to get "puffed" at the slightest opportunity. I make him "puff" at least once a day so that I can see him in full plumage and so he can strut his little stuff like the noble Japanese Fighting Fish he is -- claiming and staking off his territory -- which happens to be my desk. He is my little buddy -- who swims in one corner of his tank so that I can see him while I am at my computer. It is easy to make him "puff" (as you can imagine, he is male after all) -- any kind of shiny surface that might allow him to see his reflection is enough and/or even me putting my finger against the glass near where he is can do the trick sometimes.

He is my little aquatic stud muffin and he knows it.

His counterpart Roy lives in Milk Duds' office. Get it? Siegfried and Roy? I need to get him a little white tiger for his tank -- but unfortunately they are not your usual "run of the mill" tank insert. The people at the fish store looked at me like I was retarded when I asked if they carried one and they did not even chuckle when I told them about Siegfried and Roy -- the old farts.

Anyway, Sieggie has pulled off a most astonishing feat for a little guy the size of a house key -- he uprooted his bamboo tree in only what I can assume was a fit of masculine dominance and/or while practicing his Japanese Fighting Fish moves. Maybe a little too much "wax on/wax off", "Enter the Dragon" or perhaps a little "Flying Tiger Hidden Dragon"?

Who knows -- but he sure does look happy with his little blue self.

FORT!

My son has discovered the glorious fun that is known as the "couch fort" -- thanks to my mother and Corby.

He asks me almost everyday to "make his fort" which consists of pulling one of the large seat cushions off and propping it up against the outside of the sofa.  He will then arrange the throw pillows to his liking; often piling them around him so that only his head is stinking out -- or not piling any at all and laying on the mere lining fabric which is poky from the couch springs.  

The other day Corby built him a real fancy one constructed with a roof from expertly placed cushions and years of couch fort construction expertise.  While I was cooking in the kitchen and Corby was in the bathroom, Quen climbed on top and fell off the back.  I ran into the den when I heard screaming only to see his little feet sticking up in the air as he was trapped in a "standing on your hands" position up against the wall. So needless to say we will be sticking to the barest of forts from here on out.

Sometimes he refuses to leave his "fort" and insists on taking his meals (actually just snacks, but "meals" sounded more funny) in the nook.

Quen's fort.

What happens to a rubber ball when a 2 year old bites it?

It becomes a hat (obviously, duh!)

Seriously,  I have no clue what actually transpired with the demise of the bouncy blue ball from Target, but I saw the deflated ball and questioned Corby about it who looked up from the computer to reply "he bit it" and the "he" in this instance is referring to my son.  So basically, yes, my son has vampire teeth. He is a finely tuned killing machine that we feed raw meat and empty diet coke with lime cans (see earlier post).  It was a closely guarded family secret that I can hide no longer.  

Seriously though, I have no clue how he "bit it" to cause it to pop but in any event it is dead.  

Regardless, it made for a fun hat that when worn by Corby reminded me of the mushroom men in Super Mario Brothers (Nintendo! Did that just show my age?)!

Yeah, I know what you are thinking -- we do not have enough to do on the weekends.

St. Paddy's Day Parade and the day I was nearly beheaded by a Verizon frisbee!

For the first time in a long time (at least 15 years when I last roller bladed in the parade) I went to the St. Paddy's Day parade that runs down Divine St.  We actually decided to go at the last minute because the weather was so bad.  We called our best buddies the Shalkhams who had just finished the St. Paddy's Day 5K run (Corby joked that if it were up to us, he and I might make the 5Y run -- as in yard... i.e. we are not built for running).  We met up at Half Moon Outfitters and watched the parade from there.  Anna, Henry and Sharon stayed in the car -- but Kevin, Luke, Corby, Q and I toughed out the rain. 

 Things have changed since I last went to this parade.  Apparently now it is much like a Mardi Gras parade and a specialty advertiser's dream in that the people in the parade pass out, throw out, hurl, and roll at you -- and in the case of one black Verizon Frisbee -- fling at you with the force of an Olympic discus thrower (had I been 2 inches ahead of myself I feel sure it could have cleft my head from shoulders -- or at least left a mark) various goodies emblazoned with their company logo and contact information.

.

Here are a few of the highlights:

   

The "Girls of Redbank Offroad"... umm okay.

    

The "off road club" or something 'er other -- basically a bunch of 4 wheel drive trucks.  Who let these jokers in?  It looked as though they just pulled into the parade route when a cop was asleep at the job.  There were several other "car groups" in the parade -- one of my favorites were the Corvettes because I could just see a bunch of Magnum P.I., chest hair having and aviator shade wearing dudes in short shorts with afros driving -- but it was more like a bunch of old bald men and scary looking women.  My picture of that group did not come out -- I was using my camera phone for all of these.

SC Gay and Lesbian group who were very nice and passed out cups that encouraged recycling.  Is it bad to admit that I expected a little more flamboyance from this group -- like some saucy awesome drag queen or something?   

The "Sweet Potato Queens" -- who gyrated their hips while holding on to posts. This is more what I had in mind from the SC Gay and Lesbian group, but alas they wanted to keep it low key I guess.  At first the guy in the front made me think this was going to be a redo of Ferris Bueller's Day Off with a lively take on "Twist and Shout".  I was not so lucky.

This guy was part of the "mini cooper group" but he was by far the best leprechaun -- and he had a balloon rainbow complete with a pot of gold at the end in the back seat.  Plus, he was just cool.

Saturn of Columbia had 3 cars in the parade -- I mainly took this for my father-in-law and if I did not have a child, this is the car I would drive.

I have no clue who these people were -- I was fighting with Quentin over a Otis Spunkermyer muffin that he dropped on the street and kept eating complete with dirt and gravel.  I just thought they were cute and they reminded me of something the Girlherd might do.

A guy in a racing lawnmower who passed out treats to Q and Luke.

There was a guy with a huge leprechaun head on who came over and handed the boys suckers.  He was reminiscent of a mascot and frankly I was glad neither of the boys burst into tears at the sight of him (they tend to do that with people in costume sometimes) -- I felt sure that he was "safe" because he came bearing suckers. Great.

Yes, Luke had some sweet yellow rain boots on.

Save the ta-tas group -- in a pink VW bug with a black bra on the front -- it was cute, I just wish 

I had gotten a picture from the front.

This was a bail bondsman group who blared a song about how someone "would be coming home".  I thought that was pretty crafty, but some of the folks looked like they could also be clients of the bail bondsman -- a little shifty.

Obligatory flags.

A Basset Hound rescue group.  We had a discussion about how basset hounds are often bought and then turn out to do nothing but bark all of the time so people get rid of them -- hence the need for a rescue group.  Later in the parade was a company that did something about preventing dog barking humanely -- Corby's comment was that the Basset Hound rescue group need to get together with "stop the barking group" and they may not need to have a rescue at all.

Cocky!

The Army band was great.

This great Leprechaun was built out of balloons and was the same float that gave the boys the shamrock balloons.  I declared we needed something like this at the next party.

But the best by far was when the Columbia City Ballet walked by and the one and only man in the whole world who scares my large 6'2 husband was within view... Bill S.   I turned around to find Corby cowered behind a tree.

No offense to the Columbia City Ballet -- I have always been a fan and enjoyed many a ballet through the years -- but a "Hootie and the Blowfish" ballet is  just RETARDED.  COME ON!